YouCanFindMeHere: Making marriage work

YouCanFindMeHere: Making marriage work: Commitment. Devotion. Bond. Lasting. Good. These words can describe   marriage. So can these: Prison. Stuck. Drain. Abuse. Void.  If...

Making marriage work

Commitment. Devotion. Bond. Lasting. Good.

These words can describe marriage. So can these:

Prison. Stuck. Drain. Abuse. Void. 

If you could describe your marriage in one word, would any of these fit? Did you know that over half of married couples divorced in 2013? That's one divorce every 13 seconds. That equals up to 46,523 couples divorcing every week*. Shocking isn't it? Why are so many people calling it quits? Researchers have narrowed it down to 8 top reasons people say they ended their marriages. You can find the study here: reasons people divorce. The number one reason? Lack of commitment. The word commitment in Webster means to be dedicated to something. Many people today have a lack of dedicating themselves to one another. I'm not saying this is always the case, some of the other reasons were infidelity, abuse, etc. But for the most part, people just gave up. 

                                WHY? 

Why do people lose interest, lose the will to fight for their marriage? Is it the day and age we live in? Influences around us? Our moral compasses taking a downward spiral? I believe all of this plays a part. The world today tells us if we don't like it, toss it. If it's not working out as quickly as you'd like, get a new one. The reasons you gave are legit, divorce and move on. 

But is divorce really that easy? Is marriage really that hard to fight for? I don't know your own individual story, and I'm sure I'll be stepping on toes here, but what if we turned it around, to where divorce was really hard, and fighting for our marriage was the easier route? What would happen if we had the mentality that divorce was not an option? What would be some options then? Counseling? Church? Lifestyle changes? 

I urge you to rethink your choices, if you are contemplating divorce (unless abuse is an issue). Why not give it another chance? Fight for what was once good and pure. It takes two, I know, to make a marriage work, but if you fight first, your spouse will likely follow. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, if we express our spouses' love language, they will respond. What am I talking about exactly? You can check it out here. Sometimes we have to do what we know is right, even if we are doing it alone. Marriage can be a good thing. 

God designed marriage to be good. To be a everlasting bond between a man and a woman, to love each other and grow old together. To go through live's storms together and to lean on each other for support. To have a best friend for life. It doesn't always have to be stress and arguments. If you find your relationship in this state, take a step back. What is the root of the problem? How can it be changed? Ask yourself, what can I do to help and not hurt our marriage? Ask God for guidance. You may be surprised at how and what you can do! 

*  information found here: dailyinfographic.com/divorce-in-america-infographic
* All images are found on google.com and are not my own. Used solely for the purpose of enhancing this blog discussion. 

Out of our realm

WHY?
 It is our go-to question when things happen out of our realm.
 "Why God?"
We, as humans, have a need to know what is going on at all times. We like being in control, like knowing what to expect. When things fall out of that area, we often question God; His authority, His actions, His goodness. The One who we knew so well before has become iffy. Is He really that good of a God? If so, why is this happening? How can a good God let me go through this? It all falls back to the "why" question. 

When we go through a rough spot in our life, our faith is usually the first thing that gets a good stretching. It is also the first thing to go sometimes. Our limited minds see God's will as less-than perfect when we are facing the fire. His goodness doesn't seem very good when we are looking at a job loss, a death, sickness, debt, or divorce. How can these things be good for me? How can God let it happen? Why can't He heal the situation, heal my body, touch my finances, my loved one, my child? Why, why, why?

When we see others facing crisis, it is often our go-to answer to say "God is in control" or "He knows what He's doing", but when we wake up to our world crumbling from underneath us, those words are the last thing on our minds. It's too painful, too much, and it clouds the Holy Spirit's guidance and peace. We focus on the mountain in front of us, and the pain it causes. The enemy loves it when we do this, because it shifts our eyes off of Him (God) and onto ourselves. It is then we realize we can't, and we feel helpless. The pain we feel and the loss we experience seems overwhelming, and we question God's whereabouts, when it is us who have left. 

There is encouragement for the weary today. Whether it be the loss of life, or a home...a sickness or addiction, divorce or bankruptcy, God is there. God is able. God is still good. He is! 

Psalm 119:50

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life

We don't get exempt from the harshness in life just because God is on our side, but because He is on our side, we have hope. We have the very One who made the stars and named each one on our side. He made the world, and all who inhabit it. He is more than able to care for us. Even though we don't always get the answers we so long for, He truly does know best. Life is sometimes hard, and things happen way out of our control, and we are left weary and battered. It is then we often run from God, but it is the time when we need Him the most. 

 “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7

When we set our minds on Him, who He has been and who He is to us, we will see that He doesn't change. Our situations change, but He does not. He sees what we don't, and knows what we cannot. He has a plan for each and every one of us, and we just have to trust in Him that He truly does know what He is doing. 

Ever-present help

Psalm 46:1-3 (NIV) God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

There have been a few times in my life where I have felt my earth give way, and my troubles seem like a mountain the size of, well, a mountain. Looking up at the mountain can be scary. Looking at the ground crumbling beneath me can be terrifying. During the low points of my life, I have two options; be stuck in my fear, or reach out to God. I remember this verse, where it says God is our ever-present help in trouble. That is sweet peace in the chaos. Ever-present. Always there. More than just there though, He is our help. He is active in our lives, not just a bystander. He is our refuge in the craziness of life, He is our haven. I know for a fact, as I am sure all of you do, this world is a dark and scary place. People are out to cut you down, demands of life are always pulling you in different ways. It's nice to have a safe haven to run to, a refuge in the midst of it all. David goes on to say God is our strength as well. I will be the first to admit I am weak. Not in the lifting weight sense, but the weak without God sense. I cannot do it alone. With Him, I can do all things, without Him, I am a wreck. A big one. I am glad that He is my strength to make it through. 

Whatever you are facing in your life right now, I know that God can help you. I have been in some deep valleys and thought, "I'm a hopeless wreck! There is no way God will help me out of this one." Every time I needed Him though, He was there. He was my help. And He can be your help too. I am not someone of great fame or fortune, God doesn't care about those things anyway, but if He will help me, He will help you as well. He is not a respecter of persons, we are all His children. So be encouraged today, that no matter what it is you are facing, He is our ever-present help. We don't have to fear. Fear is a tool of the enemy, to get your eyes off of Christ. I have found the best way to stave off the fear is to praise your way through it. The enemy hates it when we praise God, it confuses him. 

Psalm 116:1-7 (GNT) I love the Lord, because he hears me;
    he listens to my prayers. He listens to me
    every time I call to him. The danger of death was all around me;
    the horrors of the grave closed in on me;
    I was filled with fear and anxiety. Then I called to the Lord,
    “I beg you, Lord, save me!” The Lord is merciful and good;
    our God is compassionate. The Lord protects the helpless;
    when I was in danger, he saved me.  Be confident, my heart,    because the Lord has been good to me.

"He listens to me every time I call to Him", "When I was in danger, He saved me". There are some powerful words in these verses. When we call out to God for help, He is there. We can be confident, because of the faithfulness of God. We know He will never fail us, or forget us. He sees what we go through, and He cares. He is good!

This is my prayer for whoever reads this, wherever you are. Whatever you are facing, I pray that God will be your ever-present help in trouble and you can see the goodness of Him in your life. Everyone is facing some kind of battle, but God is big enough to take care of us all. So rest in Him, knowing He cares for you!

My junk drawer

My house is kept pretty neat, most of the time. Ok, some of the time (I do have three children after all). Most things in my home has a place; toys in the toy box, clothes in drawers, food in the refrigerator. 'Everything has a place and a place for everything'. When I find something I am not sure what to do with, I stuff it in one of my junk drawers. I am sure every home has one. What's inside may startle you, I have everything from receipts to tape, hairbows to paper that has been drawn on....the list goes on and on, I honestly don't even know what is past the initial glance inside there. Many a things have been 'lost' only to be found in the junk drawer. What purpose does the junk drawer serve in my home? To store things, things that if I be honest with myself, should be either thrown away or put in their original spot. I could almost rename my junk drawer to 'I don't want to deal with it now' drawer. 

Over a period of time, my junk drawer accumulates things. Lots of things. And before I know it, I am pushing things down in the drawer to shut it completely, telling myself it needs to be cleaned out, knowing I won't anytime soon. So the cycle continues until it is spilling out everywhere, and I am left with a mess. A preventable mess, if I had kept to the adage "Everything has a place..." 

If I am honest with myself, I do this very same thing in my spiritual walk. There are things I go through that I could label "I don't want to deal with it now" and stuff it in my spiritual junk drawer. You may do the same thing too. Whether it is something that has caused you pain, and you don't want to face it just yet (or ever), or something that your angry about and like to keep around just in case. Maybe it's a blessing that you are trying to live off of and refuse to move on from. Whatever the situation, you stuff it inside your drawer, hoping no one opens it up to see what's inside. After awhile, your hurts, disappointments, anger, jealousy all accumulates in your drawer. You can only stuff a container so full before it spills out.  When it spills out into our lives, we realize, just like I do when my literal drawers spill out, just how much junk is actually in there! The hurts and shame of the past, that should have been dealt with long ago, are now seeping into our everyday lives. 

It seems you eat, sleep, breathe your past. What do we do now? We need to clean out our drawers, deal with what's inside. It's painful, unfair, and not something we want to do...but we don't have to clean it out alone. Jesus helps us when we are too scared to open our junk drawers to even begin cleaning. He can clean the spill-overs, and restore us once again. There is nothing too shameful, horrid, or embarrassing to Him. He has seen every sin take place and loves you still. 

Psalm 55:22 Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall

You must do in order to have. If you want to be free from the chains that drag you down, the past hurts and shames of yesterdays to be gone, you must give them to God. He will not come and force His way into your heart to clean it out. We must open ourselves up to Him and give Him the good, the bad and the ugly, scary, dark places in there. We have a great promise that He will take care of us when we do! It's scary letting Him see our inmost parts, the parts we keep hidden with great care, but when we do, He will do His part and care for us. 

Just like the mess in my junk drawers, the things inside have a place, most of it belongs in the trash. Why keep it around? It serves only to hurt us, or drag us down, causes us to be weary, or bitter. God has great plans for us, but we cannot accomplish them with our junk spilling over. Don't wait around until you are ready to clean it out, because honestly, we never will be. Do it now! Ask God to help you open the closed doors of your heart, and forgive who needs to be forgiven, move on, and let go. Clean out your junk drawer! With His help, it can be a opportunity to grow, learn and deepen your relationship with Him! 


  

The process of forgiving.

Love your enemies? All of them? Surely not! It is nearly impossible for me to even think of them, let alone like them and surely not love them. Jesus must not know what they did to me. If He knew, He'd understand why I just cannot love my enemies...right?

Luke 6:27-28 But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.

Jesus couldn't have said it more clear here when He tells us how to deal with our enemies. He gives us several actions to take towards them; LOVE, DO GOOD, BLESS, & PRAY. Those are things we're okay with doing, to people we get along with. It's easy to pray for our children, or our spouses. Do good? No problem, we can do good things for those who do good for us. To the person(s) who caused us pain; love isn't the verb we want to put in the same sentence with their name. Surely God will understand if we don't feel like forgiving them. Besides, the pain is too real, the scar too deep, the hate all too real. Can we slip by without forgiving? 

 Matthew 6:15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

That takes my excuses and reasons and blows them right out the window. According to Jesus, if we harbor unforgiveness towards others, He does the same towards us. No 'if, and's, or but's about it'. There are no shades of gray when it comes to God. What He says, He means. We must forgive! If you really think about it, God has forgiven us many more times than we will ever have to forgive someone. He did it, even when He knew we would mess up again. He didn't rub the pain it caused Him in our faces, didn't make us wallow and beg. He simply forgave us because He loves us. Of course, we aren't nowhere near that perfect, and cannot simply forgive and be done. God knows that. The main thing is to begin the road to forgiveness. It's a process, one that takes time, prayer, learning and lots of healing. As Stormie Omartian said, "Forgiveness doesn't make the other person right, it makes you free."

We all have had someone in our lives that has hurt us in some way or another, and we find ourselves with a choice. We can either take the road of anger, which leads to resentment, and eventually hate and bitterness. This road is a slow poison to the soul, eating away at everything. It eventually becomes who you are, nothing good comes from it. Or we can take the other road, the road to forgiveness. Though it isn't always a peaceful journey, it is the way Christ wants us to go. Besides, we know we never walk any road alone. He is there with us, He knows it's not a easy task. Psalm 34:18 says "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted..." He is close to you when people do you wrong. He restores your joy!

 Isaiah 53:3,5 He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Jesus was a man 'familiar with suffering'. He who did no wrong was burdened by humanity's sins. If anyone had the right to hold a grudge against someone, it would be Him. He did so much for us, and yet we sometimes do so little for Him. Yet, in His unending love, He chooses to forgive us of our mistakes, and mess-ups time and time again. He is the example of grace. We don't deserve His forgiveness, but He chooses to forgive anyway. We cannot expect Him to forgive us when we mess up and then we withhold it from others. What kind of Christian would we truly be? We are to be an example of Christ. 

Though forgiveness is a hard process, we can be free through it. There is nothing like letting go of the pain and anger and letting Christ mend our wounds. We can learn so much from the pain, the journey, and the end result. Besides, we are never too 'holy' to be free from sin. We all mess up, and I'm glad God forgives, and teaches others to forgive as well! 

-Megan 













 

Healed.

1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.

 I would feel it coming on, like a tidal wave that can be seen from the shoreline, and like the massive waves, there was no way of stopping it. No place to run either, because it was inside my brain. How does one run from anxiety attacks? The intense fear, as illogical as it may have seemed to others, was real in my mind. I was a prisoner to dread, and fear, and the notion to flee whatever was causing me 'harm'. I was miserable. If anyone has ever suffered from these, you know the misery they cause, and the vicious cycle it produces in your life. I wanted out! 

After doing large amounts of research of at home remedies, and trying them to no avail, I broke down and went to the doctor. Just going to the doctor caused me fear. After a questionnaire and prescriptions, I went home hoping this would be the end. It wasn't! I was taking medicine that woke me in a state of panic, and I found myself more miserable than before. After changing medicine, to no avail again, I began to yearn for God's healing touch. I had been out of church for awhile at that time, and had no concern for going back up until that moment. I felt a tug in my heart, like a memory from the past. I knew who God was, I was raised in church. I knew He healed. I knew I needed Him!

To make a long story short, God led me to a wonderful church, and to a compassionate pastor who prayed over me several times, and with God's help, I overcame my panic disorder. Does that mean I've never had another one? No, I have had to battle it a time or two since then, but it doesn't own me! I am free from the chains of that sickness, and it's all because of Christ. 

Matthew 15:30 And great crowds came to him, bringing with them the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute, and many others, and they put them at his feet, and he healed them.

They put them at Jesus' feet, and He healed them. What great compassion Christ had on humanity! He could've told them He was too busy, and to come back later, yet He didn't. He simply healed them instead. And later in the verse it says they were amazed, and began praising God! What a great example of what we should do when we find ourselves sick, or find one of our loved ones sick, take them to the feet of Christ! Believe in faith that Christ will heal, and when we find ourselves touched by the hand of God, praise Him! Offer thanksgiving!

I have heard and seen with my own eyes people touched by God and completely healed. I, myself, have experienced a healing touch. It can happen to anyone, anywhere, and at anytime. No matter how big the disease, how terminal the condition, how short the expected time frame for life given by the doctors is, God can heal! Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, it doesn't get much more terminal than that. When Jesus gave the final authority over the situation, and told Lazarus to come forth, his body obeyed! Not even death can stay when Jesus tells it to move. Lazarus came forth, bound and tied up in his deathbed clothing, a sign of what once was. Jesus immediately had them removed, for death no longer had hold on him! Jesus can do all.

But what if the healing doesn't come? A hard question to pose, especially when you've seen the sick stay sick, or worse, die because of it. Faith is tested in these times, when you've prayed and prayed for a healing, and yet the thing you want most has not come. What now? Why? Though I do not have all the answers to why some are healed and some are not, I do know God has a plan. He has a purpose for everyone. His ways far exceed ours, and His thoughts are much higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). In everything He does, good comes from it. Though it may not be evident right now, He has good for you, He can work good threw you. I'm not saying God takes people from us on purpose, or that He turns His back on some. What I am saying though, is that healing is not beyond God. He can do it, and will do it.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding...

 In all our ways, we need to trust in Him, and not lean on our own ways. If your like me, you know your ways end on a dead end street with no progress, just lots of mess ups. God's way is much better. When we find ourselves face to face with sickness, of whatever sort, we can go to Jesus and lay it down at His feet. Then trust in Him to take care of us, whether it be through a doctor's care and knowledge, or through a miraculous touch, or a complete healing on the other side of this life. Trusting God takes having a deep relationship with Him, and knowing whatever He has in store for us is for our good. 

Mark 10:27 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.

Let's remember this, all things are possible with God. Nothing is too big or small for Him!